There were many Homelet expeditions, Damien and I visited Calcutta a lot, only ten minutes from Montecito Heights. Making someone happy for a minute helped ease emotional pain.

In addition to wine and cookies, we gave away stuffed animals, jackets, sweaters, blankets and sleeping bags. I told the staff at St Vincent De Paul’s what I was doing and they let me purchase at .10 on the dollar. Example:

February 2004—Montecito Heights

…we were driving around looking for people on their own or in
small groups as usual. Cold, cold night and we were enjoying
ourselves, getting into a few whack conversations. Damien
got caught in a God Bless You vortex with a Latin gentleman.
‘God bless you!’ Homelet said happily. ‘God bless YOU…’
Damien responded. No, God bless you…’ ‘No, God bless you!
Volleying back and forth. It was sweet pure silliness but I found it annoying. ‘Don’t say god bless you, I said later, I don’t want them to think I’m Christian. I can’t stand hippochristians; my motivation is secular!’

I’m giving alms to the poor to make myself feel better and thank Homelet for the privilege. The last thing they need is a warm dry freak preaching the Kingdom of God at them, hinting that maybe reason they’re on skid row is because they don’t love Jesus enough.

Today: I’ve tried to lighten up, not all Christians are hippos. Even though I find the dogma ridiculous, it’s no more so than any other organized religion. I pick bits of love and kindness and toss the whack proselytizing. I think reincarnation is a maybe, I feel part of a larger consciousness…bla bla.

When you die and your energy goes back to the pack, have you made it better or worse? The Dalai Lama observes all religion is fairly similar, I agree, whatever your family is, your neighbors, countrymen, you may as well be too. You know when you are being good and when you’re a naughty child in the wood.

Friend hypothesizes we live every life; mother, daughter, sister, brother, father, son, friend, enemy, black, white, brown, poor, wealthy, from every country, perhaps every age as well, time flows in circular waves. It’s nice to think that I lived for a reason (though it’s arrogant and unlikely, some things really are just luck) it might be adoption.

The reason I’m obsessed with dwarfs? I just was one. I don’t feel like giving birth because I just had 10 kids in Guatemala. I’m comfortable with black males because I’ve been a black man. Could be true could be anything could be nothing, let your imagination loose.

I think that just like the ants I swept out of my kitchen this morning can’t comprehend humans and human behavior, we don’t see spirituality clearly.

~from gimp, surviving your survival

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